So forgive me as I am new to blogging and I am not really sure what I should or shouldn’t write about, however I felt I needed an outlet to share my experiences throughout my pregnancy and into motherhood.
My daughter is now 3 months old and I have been looking back over my whole pregnancy and birthing experience trying to make sense of it all.
I love being a mum however if I am honest I did not enjoy the pregnancy that much. Now when I look back I do have a fondness for my experience but that was definitely not the case when I went through it.
I have always wanted to be a mother and I was thrilled that we were having a baby however I did not expect to feel the way I did which came as a shock.
The first few weeks after finding your pregnant are filled with a mix of emotions – excited, overwhelmed, back to excited and maybe a little bit scared as reality sets in. The you spend the next few weeks waiting for the scan to confirm everything is ok. I am such an impatient person so I paid for a private scan at 8 weeks just to make sure I was pregnant!
Then the sickness kicks in and the overwhelming tiredness. I don’t know about you, but my partner was not as supportive as i would have hoped during these weeks. He never really seemed to grasp that there was a baby growing in me. I don’t think it was real for him until the baby was born!
Anyway, he was very unsympathetic to my newly acquired symptoms. I was a bit of a mess during these weeks for example I locked my dogs outside all night because I was so tired and forgot to let them in! The panic that went through me at 3am in the morning when I realised what I had done. Does this mean I am going to be a bad mum if I can’t even remember that I let the dogs out to go to the loo before bed!
I was longing for the 2nd trimester to start so I could finally stop feeling sick all the time, which I did thank goodness! What I didn’t then bank on was the next round of symptoms to start…..back pain being the main thing. I had a sudden dislike of meat which was very annoying seeing as it is a staple diet in my household. I also put on a fair bit of weight, which I had been trying to avoid seeing as I was already classed as overweight. All I wanted to eat were chips, bread and chocolate so it is no wonder really. My love for food just diminished and everyone who knows me, knows that I love my food! I was hoping to crave things or at least be able to eat normally. This is the one thing that is driving my fiancé mad!
My skin hasn’t glowed, my hair hasn’t shined and I certainly haven’t felt great throughout my pregnancy. I hated it when people tell me how great I look….are they looking at the same person? I would rather they were just honest with me than say the same clichéd sayings.
I actually spent most of my pregnancy feeling pretty terrible for not enjoying every moment. I know I am blessed and I was so looking forward to being a mum but I just don’t think pregnancy is everything I thought it would be. Maybe it is unrealistic expectations that have been set through watching countless TV shows, movies and soaps which portray a great pregnancy. I don’t feel I can share these views with my friends or family.
With all that being said, I decided that maybe I should try my hand at writing an honest blog about my experiences and hopefully find out if others are feeling the same but also to say that I don’t think it makes me a bad person for not having enjoyed all aspects of my pregnancy.
Looking forward to sharing this journey with you all.